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Talking CCTV cameras 'set to
slash crime figures'
Andrew Thomas
The
Inquirer
Wednesday April 4, 2007
IT WAS a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking
thirteen.
Winston Smith and his posse were sniffing glue in the litter-strewn
shopping mall, waiting for a hapless mugging victim to stroll by.
High overhead, a desultory, mangy pigeon was disturbed by the whine
of a servo motor as the cameras tracked lazily across the scene.
Suddenly, the silence was shattered as a shrill voice, distorted
by cheap electronics, crackled: "Excuse me, would you mind
picking up that piece of paper you've just dropped?"
Gripped by terror at hearing the voice of Big Brother, the gang
ran as if their very lives were at stake. Law and order had been
restored.
It's a funny little world Home Secretary John Reid must live in.
According to the BBC, he's just signed off half a million quid to
equip 20 town centres across England with talking CCTV cameras,
claiming that people dropping litter or committing anti-social behaviour
will stop immediately if someone in a cosy control centre ten miles
away and has no way of posing any physical threat whatsoever tells
them off. No doubt they will also be so ashamed that they will immediately
sign up for Bible study classes and become model citizens.
Reid is planning competitions at schools across the land to find
kids to provide the voice of Big Brother. Now, if there's one thing
certain to put the fear of God into a gang of knife-wielding teenage
crack addicts, it's the voice of little Susie from Year Four telling
them off.
"By funding and supporting these local schemes, the government
is encouraging children to send this clear message to grown ups
- act anti-socially and you will face the shame of being publicly
embarrassed," said the Home Secretary. "It helps counter
things like litter, drunk or disorderly behaviour [and] gangs congregating."
Law and order experts point out that a couple of policemen on the
street might also achieve the same result, although this would obviously
distract them from the vital tasks of shooting Brazilian electricians
and setting up roadblocks to catch motorists with expired tax discs.
µ
Inq Factoid
There are over four million CCTV cameras in Britain.
L'INQ
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