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Alex Jones Ventures Into Children's
Toy Market
The
Spoof
Friday, April 4, 2008
AUSTIN, TX - National talk show host and documentary
film-maker Alex Jones will soon add "Toy Maker" to his
resume following the announcement he made on his daily radio show
yesterday. During the broadcast, the conspiracy driven Jones said
that he would begin production on a number of unique toys and
games inspired by familiar Children's products from days gone
by.
"I think it's high time that someone finally step forward
and give the toys we grew up with a thorough make over" announced
Jones to his Tuesday morning listener-ship "Our children
deserve to be able to enjoy these toys and games just like we
did. But first we need to make them more relevant to the day and
age in which they live"
That's where Jones' newly formed company "Patriot Games,
Inc." comes in. With three new products already in production
and several more "in the works", Jones hopes to breath
new life into some old (but not yet forgotten) American treasures.
(Article continues below)
Among such revisionist projects are titles like "Where's
Al-Qaeda?" which is loosely based on the popular children's
activity book "Where's Waldo?" which challenges children
to find the title character in a busy picture full of people.
In the original version, the book consists of a series of complex
full-page illustrated pictures of hundreds of tiny people doing
various activities. The goal was to find Waldo among the group,
which could be difficult as he is always well hidden. But Alex
Jones promises that his version will be far more simple for children
because "Al-Qaeda could be anyone". The man delivering
a pizza? Al-Qaeda! The woman pushing a baby stroller? Al- Qaeda!!
The family out for a leisurely day at the beach? Al-Qaeda!!! Al-Qaeda!!!!
Another variation on a old favorite is "Knock 'Em SHOCK!
'Em Robo-Cops" which is based on the popular "Rock 'Em
Sock 'Em Robots" from the 1960's. In the original version,
two mechanized fighters square off from opposite corners of a
boxing ring. In the Jones version; two jack-booted, brainwashed
thugs armed with extendable batons and tasers square off with
the general public (such as peaceful Tibetan protestors, "9-11
Truthers" and Ron Paul supporters) from opposite corners
of a "Free Speech Zone".
And last (but certainly not least), is Alex Jones' modern interpretation
of that good old American classic entitled "Monopoly: The
New World Order Edition". In this version, all the property
has been either grabbed up by central banks or annexed by the
government via "imminent domain" seizures. With nothing
left to buy, players use their devalued "Monopoly Money"
to pay enormous fines, outrageous taxes and sky high rents as
they make their way around the board trying to keep two steps
ahead of fate and that most dreaded "CHANCE CARD" of
them all: "Go Directly To Fema Camp!…Do Not Pass Go!…Do
Not Collect Food Ration!"
When the "New World Order" was asked to comment on
the latest Jones venture they responded by saying "We don't
exist. Now SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR FLOURIDE!"
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely
fictitious.
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INFOWARS:
BECAUSE THERE'S A WAR ON FOR YOUR MIND
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